Not even going to get into the recent national events but a little personal event left me with a new hurdle for rehab, on top of all the mental hurdles many of us have faced in the last year. My insurance isn't paying for physical therapy anymore. Just paying copays was over-budget for us, so I'm not able to do self pay and continue with formal PT. I guess I knew this day would come, but I had just hoped it would be farther away since I'm not even 7 months out from my most recent surgery which was a full-on total knee reconstruction with osteochondral transplants x 2, and also because I've had 6 surgeries in the last 15 months. I think it would be really easy to be angry about it. It would probably make sense to sue my initial surgeon for the post-op infection that led to all this. I am against doing so on ethical principle, but so many times dealing with insurance companies and medical billing and paying bill after bill over the last 15 months I have definitely thought about it. I wasted 2 days on the phone with the insurance company last week and now I'm ready to turn towards self-reliance for a while and just keep moving, as much as possible, as well as possible, which has basically been the goal over the last year+.
So I am entering a second phase of home, mostly self-designed and definitely self-motivated, PT. The first phase being during lockdown when my PT practice discharged everyone to home PT whether they were ready or not, because the city was shutdown for COVID. Ironically numbers are higher than ever before and we have no ICU beds, but we will just keep everything open and status quo apparently, a whole other story, probably not even one to share on another day.
So here I am with my kiddos doing home PT. It's definitely never the workout I set out to do and there has to be flexibility; much like expectations for regular life days with them, we all just have to adapt! I have been doing about one home session a week with Kona during the holiday break anyway, so she's my go-to workout buddy. Though I know the mental therapy of the workout isn't the same, I do really enjoy the time we have together, just us 2, but lately it has been a group thing and a little more chaotic. PT was really my only self-care and time away from kids where I wasn't napping or working nights in the ED. I think I will miss it. BUT I have so much to be thankful for, including the strength level that working 3 days a week in PT has brought me to~ a point where something like this Magical moment can transpire...
Last week I went for a long park walk with the girls and when my knee started hurting, I suggested doing laps around this one area of the path that is a circle. I timed them and shouted out their times, and they were having a blast racing each other and themselves to get faster at scooter laps. I offered to go with them after resting a while, but Kona was so into it that she said, "No!! You have to be the timer!!!" Two days later when my PT was cancelled we went out again, and I told Kona I would time but would also go with Juno. I started running next to her, only for short intervals, about the amount I can do right now.
I have never seen a brighter face on Kona.
"MOMMY'S RUNNING!!" she screamed, and ran towards me with her arms outstretched like we always used to do to give big running hugs. This was my first time running outside since August 2019 and my first time running in front of them for that long too. She said, "We are getting stronger!" hand on her hip and water-bottle-drinking with the other. She then said, "When we get back home, I'm going to tell Daddy that Mommy was running!!" Then of course the first person she told was her older sister, Violet.
Kona: Violet, guess what !? Mommy was running on the sidewalk!!!
Violet: Mommy, you can run?!!!
M: Only a little bit at a time.
Violet: We need to celebrate!!!
M: I'm so happy how proud you guys are 💜
[Because they know the journey this has been]
Excited for the challenges of the next phase of this journey... because I know with great obstacles come greater transformations.
"The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it." ~Moliere
